


Bugs Potter and the Otters of Doom

by seekingferret



Category: Bugs Potter - Gordon Korman
Genre: Documentary, Gen, Rock and Roll, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingferret/pseuds/seekingferret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind the scenes with legendary rock and roll drummer Bugs Potter on tour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bugs Potter and the Otters of Doom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fenella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenella/gifts).



> Thanks to greenily for betaing!

Fade In:

Int.- Movie Theater Lobby- Night

Adam

Yeah, we don't let Bugs come to the movies with us anymore. 

Interviewer

Why not?

Adam

It's a long story. We had an unexpected couple of hours to kill- this was a while back- and one of the roadies says that he's got a VHS copy of Spinal Tap. I'm not thinking straight, obviously, because I don't immediately object. The whole band and most of the crew sit down in front of this tiny TV screen and we start watching, and it's great. Everyone's laughing. There's something painfully familiar about everything in that movie. Except that every so often I sneak a glance over at Bugs and I can see from the way he's eating it up that... well, that he's eating it up. It becomes apparently pretty quickly that he thinks it's a documentary. You know, like this one.

(Laughs)

He doesn't realize that it's a bunch of actors pretending to be rockers. 

Gina

As soon as the movie's over, he starts asking why none of our guitar amps go to 11. Like, he's seriously pissed off that we don't have any amps that go to 11. I know we shouldn't have done it, but Liana- she was our bassist that week- she agrees with him, and gets me to play along, too. We say `You're right, Bugs. Spinal Tap's amp goes to 11 and ours only goes to 10. If we want to play as loud as them, we'll need better amps.'

Adam

(Shaking his head ruefully)

Worst possible thing you could say to Bugs, of course. I mean, he's a total idiot with anything that isn't about music, but if it has to do with music, he's like a savant. He's up all night in his hotel room with a soldering iron- don't ask me where he learned to use a soldering iron- and in the morning he comes to soundcheck with a custom amp.

Gina

He demands that I plug my guitar into it. I'm terrified. You plug a guitar into a bad amp and you can fry all the electronics in the guitar. And that guitar was my livelihood. Meanwhile, Liana's nowhere to be found. We only found out that afternoon that she'd joined up with a group of Hare Krishnas and was at that very moment in the process of shaving her head. Anyway, I try to refuse, but Bugs is insistent, and it's hard to say no to a guy like Bugs. He won't take no for an answer. And he keeps saying `If you plug in, you'll be louder than Spinal Tap.' And, well, Adam had figured out way earlier, but it was only at that moment that I realized that Bugs thought Spinal Tap was a real band. To be fair, Adam's known Bugs a lot longer than I have. Imagine my horror. Bugs Potter, the legendary drummer who's signing my paychecks...

Adam

Actually, I'm the one signing your paychecks.

Gina

Okay, fine, but figuratively speaking, he's signing my paychecks, you know? If Bugs says I'm out of the band, I'm out of the band. I can't just say no when he tells me to do something. So I plug into his amp, and it's at that moment that I actually look closer at the amp and realize that it goes to 12.

Interviewer

It goes to 12?

Gina

Yes. I swear to God. The dial on the volume control goes up to 12. One louder than Spinal Tap. And as soon as I plug in, Bugs turns that dial all the way up. I strum a D chord and all I can say is holy shit.

Adam

It actually was one louder.

Gina

(Reverently)

It actually was one louder.

Ext- Outside the tour bus- Day

Adam

I imagine you want an introduction to the band. Guys, this is Mason, who will be filming us for the next few weeks for a documentary. Mason, this is Bugs Potter and the Otters of Doom.

Gina

Hi, I'm Gina. I play guitar.

Bugs

I'm Bugs. I'm the drummer.

Stella

(Monosyllabic)

Stella. Rhythm guitar.

Ricky 

I'm Ricky. I'm the new bassist.

Interviewer

Nice to meet all of you. Big fan. Now look, I'll be interviewing you a bit, but mostly I want you to act like me and my camera guy are not here. Just treat me like a fly on the wall. I want to be a witness to all of the behind-the-scenes hijinks.

Adam

(To the band, apologetically)

I've tried to explain to him that we don't have a lot of hijinks, but I don't think he believes me. He said 'You're the manager, of course you'd say that.' I'm afraid this documentary is going to be more boring than he expects.

Int. - Backstage in the Green Room - Day

The whole band is in the room, sitting on couches. Adam is at a desk, going over some paperwork. Bugs is tapping a quiet rhythm on his left knee with his index fingers. Gina's eating some chips from a container on the middle table. Stella is painting a flower on her guitar with lipstick. Mack is sitting back and humming.

Interviewer

So how did you guys get together?

Mack

Don't ask me. I just answered an ad for a bass player posted on a bulletin board yesterday and suddenly I'm here.

Adam

There's not much of a story, really. We broke up Bugs's last band, the Amoebas, after the last tour. They're all great players, and great people, but the sound wasn't right. Bugs was experimenting with a new drumming style, using four drumsticks, and we needed a band that could really complement the new sound. Bugs knew Gina and Stella from this other band they'd been in... 

Stella

Slave Adore Dolly

Adam

And he thought they'd be, you know, good for the band. We also signed a bassist, Telly Markowitz, from the Tongueless Frogs, but he didn't last very long.

Bugs

He got freaked out by the pink floor of that club in Cleveland. He heard this story that it was painted with toxic paint.

Gina

And he was already a bit of a hypochondriac before that. He convinced himself he could smell the fumes coming off the floor. Poor guy didn't make it three songs. One of the roadies had to come in and play the rest of the set on bass.

Interviewer

I meant, how did you and Bugs get together, Adam. You guys have been together a lot longer than the band, right?

Adam

Oh, yeah. Bugs and I go back to high school days. We both went to a summer youth orchestra program in Toronto and were assigned together as roommates. It was a pretty great experience. We got to practice under the baton of Maestro Fenton Darby. Bugs hated it, because he finds classical music boring. He was mainly there so he could sneak out at night to see shows in Toronto rock clubs.

(Smiling wryly)

You may have heard of a little thing called the Bugs Bash. Bugs would somehow get invited on stage at these concerts and he'd play a number or two, and then I'd drag him back to our hotel room before Darby found out. The crowds were going crazy, and the mystery of Bugs's identity made it even more hysterical. All the newspapers were obsessed with finding out who Bugs was.

Bugs

That was a great summer. That was the first time I got to play with my idols. That was when I realized that I really was good enough to play drums with anybody. And it was also the summer I met my best friend in the whole world.

Int- Bugs's hotel room - Night

Interviewer

Tell me about your new drumming style

Bugs

It started with us talking about Mies Hamelin, the drummer for Müübo.

Interviewer

Who's us?

Bugs

Oh, I don't remember anymore. Probably Adam. I talk to him about everything. Hamelin has this technique where he uses four drumsticks at once. He uses two in each hand, arranged across from each other, and he's developed a wrist technique and kit layout that lets him hit four drums at the same time. It's really wild.

He grabs four drumsticks and starts arranging them in his hands. Two of the sticks lie across each other on each palm, with his thumb wrapped around one of the sticks and his middle finger wrapped around the other one. After a moment of adjustment, he starts tapping them on the radiator in the hotel room.

Bugs

When I mention it, everyone brings up John Bonham's technique in "Four Sticks". He was using four sticks, but he was basically using each pair of drumsticks as a single stick, to produce a different thump than a single stick. What I'm doing is different. See, you hold the sticks like this and you can do some really amazing sound doubling effects. Between the four sticks and the two pedals, I can hit six drums at the same time. Tap tappa tappa tappa tap, you know, make the audience feel like there's more than one drummer. Of course, it takes a lot of finesse to pull it off, but I'm a pretty good drummer, so I figured I could make it work.

(His tapping grows in intensity)

But I wanted to go further than Hamelin does. Aside from Hamelin's drumming, Müübo just sounds like an ordinary rock band. But I thought that if I got the right musicians around me, we could really thicken up the sound. Only four musicians, but we sound like eight. Or more. Adam says that on nights when he has a headache, we sound like twenty.

(His tapping grows even more intense) 

Bugs

I met Gina when we were on tour in Duluth. She was playing in a synth duo called Slave Adore Dolly... such a great name, right? She was mostly playing synths at the time, but I found out that she also played guitar. She told me that she was experimenting with an electric ten string guitar, so naturally when I thought about how to build this new rock sound, she came to mind. Do you know how a ten string works? The extra four strings are tuned to resonate with the main strings, so you get interaction between the sound waves. And Gina's ten string electric was designed to run separate filter passes on the sympathetic strings. It sounds really awesome. 

Interviewer

And Stella was also a member of that band with Gina?

Bugs

Not exactly. Well, she was playing with them, but she wasn't a member of the band. She just played backup on some of their songs. When Gina and I were playing around with song ideas, we realized we needed another guitar to make the songs work, and Stella was just kind of around. Sometimes you put together parts of a band very deliberately, and other times you just kind of fall in together. Music is really unpredictable. That's one of the reasons I love it. You never know what you'll end up playing next.

Interviewer

And what about your bass player?

Bugs

(shrugs)

Nancy? I don't know her very well yet. She's pretty good at staying on tempo. Hopefully she'll stick around.

Int- Baggage claim at LaGuardia Airport- Day>

Interviewer

So you two were in a band called Slave Adore Dolly?

Stella

Yes.

Gina

(simultaneously)

Sort of.

Interviewer

Sort of?

Gina

Slave Adore Dolly was a project I created with my friend Ramona. I played synths and a little guitar and she programmed the drums. The thing is that at first it was more a studio project than a real band. Lots of overdubbed parts, lots of sound effects. We released a cassette on an independent label in Duluth and when it started to get attention, clubs were calling me and asking if we could play shows. We turned down the first few calls, since we weren't sure how to play our songs live, but the calls kept coming and honestly, we could use the money. I was working as a receptionist at a law firm to pay the bills at the time and working through my last semester at UMD.

(Laughs)

Our first show, just the two of us, was terrible. We had no clue what they were doing on stage.

Stella

(Nods)

They were terrible.

Gina

We realized that to sound like the band on the cassette, we needed more musicians. So we put out the word and Stella answered the call and she backed us in the rest of the live shows Slave Adore Dolly did. But does that make her part of the band? I don't know. I guess in my head I still think of the band as just being me and Ramona, since it's only us on the album.

Stella

Ramona said I'm part of the band.

Gina

Whatever. The band's dead now, anyway. Ramona went and got married and had kids. Fucking sellout.

Ext- Outside Manhattan subway station- Night

Gina

We're outside the legendary club Scuzz! I can't believe it. I've wanted to play here since I was a little kid reading underground zines. This place is amazing. It's in the basement of an old condemned drugstore that should have been demolished years ago, but somehow the owners have kept it alive. It's the motherfucking birthplace of the Octo!

Interviewer

What's an Octo?

Gina

Eight mugs of beer, served in one go. Only for the hardest of the hardcore. Guaranteed to knock a few brain cells loose. That's what makes Scuzz so amazing, the crowds. The fans here really know their rock music, and they know how to cut loose. Wanna know how you know you've really made it at Scuzz? The crowd will get up and start slugging each other. The more they like the music, the more bloody and violent it gets.

Interviewer

Is it safe?

Gina

(Scornfully) 

Of course it's not safe. What would be the point of it if it were safe? Rock and roll is about revolution. Rock and roll is about speaking truth to power. If it's not dangerous, then you're not doing it right. If it's not dangerous, how will the Man know to fear it?

Interviewer

But other clubs that you've played don't get violent the same way...

Gina

That's why Scuzz is the best club to play at. It's the purest expression of our rock and roll desires. We stand up on the stage and play music of the revolution and we get to watch an audience who really gets it, you know? Not just clap and shout formulaic things at us, but organically move to the music. We see them fighting and we think 'That's because of what we made them do'. It's incredibly exhilarating. I really fucking hope it goes well tonight. 

Int- Dressing room at Scuzz- Night

Interviewer

Do you have any special pre-show rituals?

Stella

Well, I guess so. Normally, an hour before the show I do a line of coke. Is that what you're talking about?

Interviewer

I was thinking more like, Keith Richards eats a shepherd's pie before every show. But I guess, if doing a line of coke is what you do, that's cool, I guess.

Stella

Oh, well, I'm not hardcore like Keith Richards. I don't do a line of coke before every single show. Just if I want a line of coke. I mean, I aspire to be like Keith Richards. That man has serious dedication to his craft. Imagine, a shepherd's pie before every single show, without fail. That takes discipline, man. That's some fucking serious shit. That's why the dude's a legend.

Int- On stage at Scuzz- Night

The band is arrayed on stage, with Bugs Potter on drums in the middle as the central focus. He is wearing a bright yellow suit and fedora a la Dick Tracy. The rest of the band is dressed in similarly monochromatic suits- Gina on lead guitar in a red suit, Stella on rhythm guitar in a sky blue suit, Arto on bass in a purple suit. 

Scuzz is, to put it politely, a hole. The drywall has a dozen or so fist-sized holes in it on the wall behind the band, but that's nothing compared to the exposed brick wall behind the bar, which clearly has at least three bullet holes in it. As the camera pans across the audience, they are sitting at 'tables' that are actually just empty beer kegs with slabs of water-stained wood placed on top of them. The stage is not elevated, but is simply demarcated by a line of duct tape on the floor. A hand written sign posted by this line of duct tape asks the audience not to cross the line. On the left side of the stage three audience members in white tank tops with prominently displayed gang tattoos on their arms have defied this request and moved a table onto the stage. 

The waitstaff, which consists of three boys of approximately fourteen years, is frantically running back and forth between the bar and the tables with massive trays of beer mugs. 

With little fanfare, the band starts playing a song. Mostly, the crowd doesn't seem to pay it any mind. They are focused on very, very serious drinking. A few audience members can be seen nodding their heads in time with the drum beat. The camera pans to the interviewer, who is sitting off to one side next to Adam, staring agog at the audience as if he cannot figure out how they are so unmoved by the music. Adam is smiling broadly.

Gina

(Aggressive metal singing)

The Pegasus of fate

Has climbed into the

STRAAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOSPHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEERE

The camera pans back to the band, entering the second chorus. The band is playing very well. Bugs is the ringleader, with his four-stick playing sounding like a whole band in itself, and Gina is really shredding on guitar, while Arto is laying down a solid metal bass line with some funky touches. The camera zooms in on Arto.

Cut to

Int- Dressing room at Scuzz- Night

Interviewer

How did you end up joining the band?

Arto

Well, my girlfriend Rita used to hook up with Stella. And when the band's old bassist Mack was arrested for phone phreaking, Stella mentioned it on a phone call to her current girlfriend. And I guess Rita was tapping Stella's phone or whatever, because she mentioned to me that Bugs Potter was looking for a new bass player. So I got in touch with Adam and he signed me to a contract pretty quickly. I'm really excited to be playing Scuzz. It's a dream come true. Scuzz, man!

Cut to 

Int- On stage at Scuzz- Night

Bugs begins his drum solo. The rest of the band takes a step back in unison. Arto continues to play his bass line, but quieter. The solo is, typically, electrifying. A MAN IN RED SHIRT in the middle of the room is the first to stand. He grabs MAN IN GREEN SHIRT at the next table by the collar and drags him to his feet, then throws a wild swing at him. The traditional Friday night fight at Scuzz has begun, to the tune of Bug's drum solo.

Series of Shots- Bar fight

\-- Man in Green Shirt dodges the punch and parries with a knee to the groin of Man in Red Shirt

\--Interviewer hurriedly scrambles for cover behind the bar

\--Man in Red Shirt, crumpled on the ground, tries to bite the leg of Man in Green Shirt

\--Most of the rest of the crowd rises to their feet to begin punching each other.

\--WOMAN IN BLUE TANK TOP strangles Man in Green Shirt with a GUITAR CABLE.

\--Gina puts down her guitar and punches Man in Red Shirt.

\--Bugs fends attackers away from his drum kit, drumsticks wielded like sais.

\--Woman in Blue Tank Top straddles a fallen Man in Green Shirt and slaps his face repeatedly.

\--Zoom in on Stella's face, a look of sheer bliss.

Fade to Black

Int- In the Green Room- Day

Interviewer

Can you talk a little about your influences? What bands did you listen to growing up? What bands do you listen to now? What bands do you still aspire to sound like?

Adam

(rolling his eyes)

Oh great, now you've got Bugs started.

Bugs

Ignore Adam. He's heard it all before, but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who haven't heard me talk about all of my favorite bands.

Adam

Ad infinitum.

Bugs

(ignoring Adam)

Of course, there's Endomorph. They're the greatest band on the planet. And I love Nuclear Teacup and Iced Tea and Plankton and Boot Hill and... 

(5 minutes later) 

... and the Flaming Sidewalks and Tyrannosaurus Rex and Busted Chandelier and Winged Tortoise and Dorchester Melon and Radium Sample and... well, that's pretty much it. All of them are my influences.

Interviewer

And Bugs has turned you onto all of this music, Adam?

Adam

Well, some of it. I have been compelled to admit that "Refrigerator Repairman" by Nuclear Teacup is a great song. But honestly, even though Bugs thinks I was all about Mozart and Brahms until he met me, I did listen to some rock growing up. I've seen Jethro Tull live fifteen times.

(grinning)

It's tough for Bugs to admit that a group with a flautist as the leader can really rock. But Ian Anderson truly is The Most.

Bugs

Eh, he's all right, for a flute-guy.

Adam

I've also tried to turn Bugs onto some classical music. He likes Ravel's "Bolero". I've never met a drummer as capable of playing those two measures for so long without getting bored.

Bugs

Some of those old guys knew how to write good music for drums. There are some good snare drums in Prokofiev's "Lieutenant Kije Suite" too. Adam's been trying to find an orchestra that will let me play that drum solo with them.

Adam

Those orchestras are so terrified of change. They're struggling to sell out their halls, but you so much as mention bringing a rock musician into the venue and they panic. But I'll find an open-minded artistic director sooner or later. Or a sufficiently greedy one, who will realize that putting Bugs's name on the marquee will guarantee a sellout. One way or the other...

Bugs

When I was younger, I thought all that classical stuff was boring. Now that I'm grown up, I still think most of it is pretty boring.

Adam

You can see why we're best friends, right?

Int- Outside the Green Room- Day

Gina

(Awkwardly)

So, uh, I think Stella's mad at me.

Adam

Why?

Gina

Because she's not talking to me.

Adam

I meant, why is she mad at you?

Gina

Uh... well, I'm not sure. Mason was asking us about Slave Adore Dolly, and...

Adam

And you told him that Stella wasn't really a member of the band. I still don't understand why you do that. You know it hurts her feelings.

Gina

Well, she wasn't! It was me and Ramona, we're the ones who created the music.

Adam

(Sighing) 

Gina, aside from that Christmas show when Bugs let me play 'Aqualung', I don't play with the Otters, right? But do you think Bugs would ever say that I'm not really a member of the band?

Gina

No, I guess not. But you are our manager.

Adam

But that's not the point. Bugs would never say it because we're best friends. Here's what you need to think about. Stella stuck with you even after the band fell apart. Stella cares about you. She cares about the music. Yes, she's a little weird, but you need her just as much as she needs you.

Gina

You're saying I need to apologize to her?

Adam

I'm saying you need to want to apologize to her.

Gina

(Pouting)

That's even worse!

Int- Backstage at the concert- Night

Adam

He's going to do it. I just know it. He can't help himself.

(He shakes his head from side to side in anticipated disappointment) 

Standing besides him backstage at the concert is a middle aged man in a black t-shirt and black carpenter's jeans. They both eye the scene on stage with fascination. Two guitarists and a bassist barrage an elated crowd with a decibel overload for the ages, as Bugs Potter sits behind them, perched behind an elaborate drum kit. Painted on the bass drum in a brilliant rainbow of colors is the famed BUGS logo.

Bugs Potter, Himself, is an almost unfollowable blur of motion, the maestro in the center of the action. He winds up his arms in a frenzied windmill of snare snaps as the song draws near its close. The crowd of nearly a hundred rock fans is on their feet in front of the stage.

Burt

(In a voice loud enough to carry over the din) 

He's not going to do it. He's not that stupid.

Adam

(He shakes his head in disagreement)

He's going to do it. I've known him since we were high school juniors, Burt. I have developed a pretty good sense of how he thinks. Bugs is not stupid. Far from it. He's a generous friend, a creative genius, a born showman, but his greatest weakness has always been his impulse control. Bugs never thinks before he acts.

(He sighs) 

Who the hell gave him the idea anyway? I have worked so hard to keep this kind of thing away from him. For an expert at rock and roll, he can be shockingly naive sometimes.

Burt

(He hesitates for a moment) 

It was me. We were shooting the bull with some of the roadies about mishaps we'd seen on the road and I happened to mention a story about Jim Morrison at a Doors show I was crewing.

(Pause)

Okay, I wasn't really crewing it. But my friend's brother's college roommate was crewing that show, and he told me the story, and he swears it really happened. But it always sounds better if you tell a story like you were there, so I told them all I'd seen it.

Adam

Oh, Burt. How many times have I told you not to tell those stories when Bugs is around? Look at that crowd. There are bare patches. Look, okay, we still might have time to save this situation. You run and grab every single person you can see backstage and get them in front of the stage. Tell them to fill in any spaces they can see where there aren't any people. Tell them Bugs is about to...no, don't tell them that, the press will find out. Tell them we're trying to make sure the video of the concert seems more sold out than it really is. And hurry, Burt. If they run, we might still have a chance to save this. The way Bugs is milking the end of this song we might have a minute to get everyone in place. Run!

The tech manager runs off, but it is too late. As he sends the first roadie off to take a position in front of the stage, the band strums its final chord and Bug Potter leaps over his drum kit, past the guitarists, and dives into the crowd.

Fade to Black 

Adam

Never mind, Burt. Just call an ambulance.

Int- Green Room- Day

Interviewer

Bugs is okay?

Adam

Yeah, he's fine. A couple stitches and he's good as new.

Interviewer

It must be nervewracking as his manager when he does things like that.

Adam

Eh, I learned a long, long time ago that I can never control Bugs's behavior. He's a force of nature I somehow got sucked up by. The best thing I can do is stand by his side and just try to nudge the steering wheel a tiny amount. If I weren't around, Bugs would have bankrupted himself six or seven times by now, if he hadn't killed himself in a stunt much worse than the one you saw last night.

Interviewer

Do you think that recklessness is connected to his musical talent?

Adam

Do I think his talent and his recklessness are related? It's an interesting question. I haven't really thought about it. On the one hand, no. I know plenty of musical geniuses who don't act like Bugs at all, so there's no requirement that geniuses be like Bugs. Look at me. I know I don't get much opportunity to use my musical talents these days, but I'm a pretty good flautist, and I'm nothing like Bugs. But on the other hand, I think Bugs's fearlessness is on evidence when he plays, absolutely. His drumming is certainly an expression of his personality. So if we want to say that the bravery evident in his drumming is what draws the crowds, then I suppose he's a musical genius for the same reasons that he acts without thinking about consequences off the stage.

(Thinking)

Think about those words. Bravery or recklessness. One is positive, one is negative, but they mean the same thing. That's the thing about Bugs. He's the same person in all situations, and sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a very, very bad thing.

(Beat)

I just try to be there, as his best friend, to try to make sure he survives the times when it's a bad thing. He's such a genuinely good person that it's hard to be resentful even when being his best friend forces you to make sacrifices.

Interviewer

I asked about what it was like as his manager, but you kept answering as his best friend.

Adam

I guess I did. I think, with me and Bugs, being best friends and being manager and musician are interchangeable. I'm his manager because I'm his best friend. I'm his best friend because I'm his manager. That's how it's always been, as long as we've known each other.

Int- Bugs's hotel room- Night

Adam

Goodnight, Bugs. I'll see you in the morning. Remember, don't stay up too late listening to music, we have a flight to Omaha in the morning for our recording session.

Bugs

Goodnight, Adam.

Adam leaves the hotel room. The door closes behind him. Bugs immediately runs to his suitcase and pulls something out. As the camera zooms in, it is revealed to be a RICHARD NIXON RUBBER MASK. 

Bugs

(To cameraman)

You guys aren't going to rat me out to Adam, are you? We're supposed to pretend you're not here, and that's fine, but I don't want this getting back to Adam.

Cameraman

Mum's the word, dude.

Bugs

Great.

(He puts on the mask)

Adam wants me on a curfew, but there's this great jazz band playing a show around the corner. I'm just going to sneak down and listen for a little while. Adam won't have any idea.

He opens the door to his room and peeks out, looking both ways to make sure there's nobody in the hallway. He clambers over to the staircase and jogs down a flight of stairs to the level below. Then he takes the elevator down to Main. In the lobby, he gets a few strange looks for the mask, but nobody says anything.

Ext- Outside the Jazz Club- Night

The jazz club says: 'Club Coltrane: Hot Ja z Nitely, 21+' on its neon marquee. Underneath, removable letters spell out the night's nitely musicians: Ryan Jack and his Big Band. Bugs pays his cover and goes inside. Nobody checks his ID. Nobody says anything about the mask.

Int- Inside the Jazz Club- Night

There are about a dozen musicians on stage and they were already deep into their set when Bugs entered the club. On the narrow dance floor, fifty- and sixty-year-old men and women dance together to classic big band tunes. Bugs sits at a table near the stage and orders a seltzer from the waitress. With uninterrupted focus, he watches the Ryan Jack band's drummer's every move.

The drummer is an arthritic man, perhaps in his early sixties. His white hair hangs down sloppily beneath his shoulders. He wears sunglasses indoors, perhaps for some medical condition. He looks like he is going to fall behind at any moment, but he always manages to catch up to the downbeat. Bugs watches carefully as he plays, noting idiosyncrasies in the way he holds his drumsticks, in the way he positions his foot by the pedal, in the way he taps the cymbals. The camera zooms in on these things, trying to show what Bugs is seeing.

The band finishes up `I Got Rhythm' and takes a break to let the band refill their beer glasses or smoke a cigarette. Bugs leaps onto the stage, where BUCK LOUIS is adjusting the height of one of the cymbals. The drummer raises an eyebrow when Bugs approaches.

Buck

I never voted for you, so you don't get to haunt me.

(He crosses his drumsticks like he's warding away a vampire)

Bugs

Sorry about the mask. I'm trying to keep a low profile, if you know what I mean. I just wanted to say you were really great out there. I'm your biggest fan. I have all of your records, even the 1969 Newport Jazz Festival recording that they tried to destroy all the copies of because of the communist rant before the final song. It's the greatest record I've ever heard.

Buck

That's very kind of you to say. You don't meet many people who have heard that record, especially these days. Jazz music isn't exactly in style these days. Nowadays it's rock and roll this and punk that. The easier it is to play the music, the more popular it is. It's a sad story, kid.

Bugs

Say, I play a little drums myself. Do you think I could play along with you on your next song?

Buck

Sure, why not. Buddy, the bandleader, is kind of deaf. I'm not sure he hears my drumming most of the time, anyway, so it won't matter if you screw up. You take the left snares and toms and the bass pedal, I'll take the right snare and cymbal. I think the next song up will be 'It Don't Mean a Thing.' You should be able to handle it, no problem, and if you need any help, just nod to me and I'll take over. I could play this song in my sleep.

Bugs

Man, just imagine! Me playing with Buck Louis, the greatest drummer in the world!

Buck

Keep it in your pants.

He pulls up a chair for Bugs to sit in next to his own. After some time, the musicians start to filter back from their cigarette break and retune their instruments. If anyone notices that Richard Nixon is sitting next to their drummer, they don't say anything.

The bandleader begins at the piano with a pacing string of chords, then the singer digs into the melody, and then after a few bars the bandleader cues the rest of the band. Bugs plays with his traditional aplomb, leaving nothing on the table, and his brisk, pulsing bass drum beat propels the horn section quickly into a frenzy.

Sixty year old swing dancers swing like they've never swung before. Their cheers at the end of the song go on and on.

Int- Behind the bar - Night

Bar manager

There's something different about the band. I can't put my finger on it, but they don't seem as tired and predictable as they usually do.

Bartender

It's the drummer, sir. That's obvious to anyone with ears. Look, see, there's someone in a mask sitting in next to the drummer. He started playing on the last song, and he's really something.

Manager

I don't care what the reason is, Joey. If they keep up like this, it will mean more sales. We have to figure out how to keep it going. The drummer, you say? What's the name of the new drummer? We have to get whatever he has.

The song having ended, many of the dancers approach the bar to refuel.

Patron 1

Man, who was that drummer? I haven't danced like that since the '60s.

Patron 2

I don't know, but he had to be somebody famous, or why would he be wearing that mask? I hear that lots of famous people go out in public in disguises all the time, to avoid being mobbed. Look, the bandleader is going over to speak to him. Maybe he'll unmask him. Or at least get us a name. Boy, he sure was fantastic.

Patron 1

I haven't danced like that since the '60s.

Patron 3

He was good. I mean, he was really good. I mean, he was the Most.

Bandleader

(In the distance)

You were upstaging the horns! Get off my damned stage!

Patron 2

Hey, he's trying to get rid of the new drummer!

The camera follows the drinkers as they all scramble to the front of the stage to express their opinions of the conflict.

Crowd

Let the drummer stay!

Drum, Richard, drum!

Bandleader

Butt out of this. None of you understand what's going on. This is private band business. Buzz off! And you two drummers, if you want to leave, feel free. The band will stay in rhythm better without you to foul things up.

Patron 3

He's a bully! Don't listen to him, Richie! You don't have to do what he says.

Patron 1

You're way more talented than him!

Crowd

Richie! Richie!

The crowd takes on a dangerous edge as more and more curious patrons move toward the stage to investigate the confrontation. They start to push and shove each other to get closer to the action. The manager of the club is standing on the front of the stage now, pleading with everyone to calm down. It falls on deaf ears.

Bugs seems to sense the riot that's about to begin. Bugs tosses his drumsticks into the crowd and races for the side of the stage. A few people try to grab the drumsticks, but most of them move to block his departure. Bugs scrambles past them toward the entrance, only to find it blocked by the bar's manager.

Bar manager

Wait a moment. I don't know what that idiot bandleader said, but I want you at my club. You know how to make a crowd move. I'll pay good money to keep you.

Bugs

(Out of breath and pursued by his fans)

I'll sign a contract with you if you'll just step over there.

When the manager moves out of the way, Bugs runs past him out the door of the club, into the street. When he is sure he's lost the crowd, he turns to the cameraman.

Bugs

Can you believe I actually got to drum with Buck Louis? What an honor!

Int- Hotel breakfast table- Day

The band sits around a table eating rubbery eggs and burnt toast. Adam is standing up, tapping his watch.

Adam

Hurry up, everyone, finish up your eggs, we have a flight to Omaha to catch. Big day! Big day!

(To the camera)

We're going to be starting to record our new album at Big Rock Studios. If we get there on time to make our flight. Everyone slept late this morning except for Bugs, so we're rushing through breakfast to try to catch the plane.

(To Bugs)

Thanks again for not sneaking out last night, Bugs. I really appreciate that you were all set to go at the wakeup call.

Adam turns back to heckle the band again. The camera swivels to focus on Bugs, who mouths silently behind Adam's back, "He has no idea." He winks.

Int- Recording studio hallway- Day

The members of the band, plus Adam and the Interviewer, are all seated on the floor in a hallway outside a recording booth. They all look exhausted except for Bugs.

Gina

End of the tour, huh?

Adam

I guess so.

Stella

Well, it was fun while it lasted. 

Bugs

Cheer up, guys. That song we just laid down was crazy good, and so was this whole tour. We made amazing music together.

Adam

I guess you're right, Bugs. That song was good. I mean, it was really good. I mean, it was...

All, in Unison

THE MOST!


End file.
